My concept of narcissism a few years ago was pretty simple. Anybody who was egotistical or full of himself, or what we simply call as “mayabang” was a narcissist. Anybody who couldn’t help but look at themselves in the mirror more often than a normal person would or anybody who cared and talked so much about their outward appearance (kardashan syndrome) was a narcissist.
Although i took psychology classes in college, i never really took what i learned at heart. I think when we discussed the subject of narcissism i simply just memorized the material kept it in my short term memory and that was that.
Recently though i had been reading and researching more about the characteristics of a narcissist and why they can inflict so much pain to the people who love them. As well as why a lot of people (like me) didn’t even realize i was living with one…until Dr. Jekyll turned to Mr. Hyde.
Narcissists are not simply just mayabang, in fact true narcissist do not often come off as mayabang to people who dont know them that well. They are actually charming and quite captivating at the beginning, with just the right amount of self confidence that would not put you off.
Below is a list of common narcissistic characteristics. Note, that some of these characteristics are embodied by non narcissistic people. The main difference is in the degree at which these characteristics show in the narcissist. A narcissist can not tone down these selfish characteristics even during unusual times like if there’s a calamity, a death in the family, sickness of a spouse or a birth of a new baby. The narcissist because of their inability to empathize will still demand the world to revolve around them and strongly show these characteristics despite the change in the scenario. Non narcissistic people, because they have empathy, tone down their selfish behavior at least until after everything goes back to normal.
- Pathological charmers (people often think that narcissists are egotistical and outright mayabang. not at the start and not to people who dont know them well enough. they are pathological charmers, they will brag a bit but just enough to garner your attention and render them alluring. This charm is what will allow them to to manipulate people.
- Inability to empathize (this is really the key characteristic of a narcissist, where a normal person can empathize or at the very least feel real pity, the narcissist is unable to do so. This lack of empathy is often subtle – because whether or not someone has empathy is really hard to determine, but for people close to the narcissist you can spot this but often deny that it is what it is).
- Expects special treatment (everyone wants special treatment and so most normal people hope that they be treated VIP style, but a narcissist will do more than just try they will demand at the most inappropriate place and an inappropriate time )
- Feeling of entitlement
- Inability to admit that he or she is wrong (even if caught red handed)
- Inability to receive criticism (most of us don’t want to be criticized that doesn’t make us all narcissist. the difference is that non narcissistic people may not openly accept the criticism in public but upon realization that it was constructive they will try to make some minor changes or show a little bit of acceptance. true narcissists wouldn’t even think twice about whether its constructive or not. They just wont accept it.
- Unexpected, strong bursts of rage in situations that WOULD NOT trigger rage in normal people. There aggressive outbursts are referred to as narcissistic rage.
- Does not react to tears. If other person starts crying because of a mistake a narcissist had done, that may even aggravate the rage of a narcissist
- Perceives oneself as omnipotent, superior individual (in fact the narcissist loves to be identified with people who are either in power, rich, influential and will be kissing their asses as much as they can to stay in the same circle)
- Strong need for admiration. Admiration serves as a form of a narcissistic supply. Without sufficient amount of narcissistic supply a narcissist feels empty and unsatisfied. A narcissist is like a drug addict, and narcissistic supply in its different forms is the drug.
- Is often envious and mocks other people (behind their backs of course)
- In the beginning of the relationship idealizes one’s partner and often talks about supreme, never-ending love. From a narcissist whom you just met he will refer to you as his “true love”, “soulmate”, etc. However as the relationship proceeds a narcissist often withdraws his or her attention and may become cold and uncaring, even cruel.
- Is often untruthful and due to this often ends up cheating in a relationship. Cheating is often a consequence of other traits of a narcissist, such as the feeling of entitlement (it is impossible for a narcissist to do anything wrong and so a narcissist does not perceive cheating to be a huge “crime”), inability to empathize with the cheated partner and the need for admiration (narcissistic supply).
- Double standards: A narcissist twists the rules so that they fit to the current needs of a narcissist. For example, if the spouse of a narcissist is cheating on a narcissist, the spouse is considered to be dishonest and bad person, whereas if a narcissist is cheating it is not wrong, because a narcissist simply “fell in love” and followed his or her heart. Double standards also apply to other areas in life.(Source: http://Home/narcissism/narcissistic-personality-disorder-how-to-recognize-a-narcissist.html)